4 Communication Mistakes That Can Destroy Your Marriage

Communicating effectively in marriage is one of the most powerful ways that couples can strengthen their
relationship.
With 90 percent accuracy, Dr. John Gottman, a world-
renounded marriage researcher can determine whether or
not a couple will eventually get divorced. A part of his
analysis includes listening closely to their language.
Here are the four most dangerous types of communication
that Gottman warns will destory your marriage:
Criticism
There is a huge difference between giving your spouse
loving feedback and attacking their character.
When you criticize your spouse, you are identifying their
faults to make them feel bad about themselves. Be careful
not to harmfully judge your partner in ways that belittles
them or makes them feel inferior to you.
Give them compliments and focus on their strengths. When
you speak in terms of their weaknesses, frame them in a
positive way. Talk about how their actions affect you, and
give suggestions in humility and with love.
Bad example: “You are so lazy! You never pick up after
yourself.”
Positive example: “I’m having a difficult time keeping up
with all the chores, and I’m starting to get frustrated and
overwhelmed. Do you mind taking over the dinner dishes?
That would be really helpful to me.”
Contempt
If you are name calling, insulting, mocking or ridiculing
your spouse, you are verbally abusing them and showing
contempt.
Stop it now.
Being mean and rude to your spouse is disrespectful and
extremely harmful. They don’t deserve it, and neither do
you. Even if you are “just joking”, it is hostile humor and
should be avoided at all costs.
Always show treat your spouse with respect. Find ways to
uplift them. Be kind, tender, considerate, and loving.
Defensiveness
When there is a problem, do you constantly place the
blame on your spouse? Are you always the victim?
If you never take responsibility for your actions, and
constantly make your spouse the “bad guy”, you are
destructively defensive.
This invalidate their feelings, and it is controlling and
manipulative. If you are defensive, you are constantly
looking for excuses, instead of admitting you are wrong.
Bad example: “It’s not my fault that we missed the payment!
You never take responsibility for anything. If you picked up
more of the slack, we wouldn’t have these types of
problems.”
Good example: “I’m so sorry that we missed the payment.
It’s my fault that it happened. Maybe we can work on
delegating responsibilites better, so that we don’t have this
problem again.”
Stonewalling
Saying nothing can be just as harmful as saying something.
“Stonewalling” is when the listener completely shuts off
from the conversation. They may ignore their spouse or
even leave the room completely. They close off, tune out,
act busy, and turn away.
When your spouse is upset, don’t give them the silent
treatment. It’s another form of disrespect. Instead, listen
carefully to them. Try to understand their concerns.
Ignoring the situation never helps solve a problem.
Solution
No matter how angry and upset you may be, always
communicate out of love.
Communicating in a healthy, productive way is much more
effective than trying to manipulate one another with your
words and actions. Choose to respect your spouse in the
way that you talk and respond to them.
Love is a powerful tool. Use it.
An important note
If you find yourself the victim of spousal abuse, do
whatever you can to find help. There are many resources
that you can turn to. Don’t give up hope! There is a way to
get out.

                                                                                             By Streethunter